This one however-- July 21st, will be one of the dates that will be engraved in my memory- probably forever.
I was at home and getting ready for Mom and Shelbi to come visit. We were so excited because Mom was going to rent a car and they were going to come stay a week- they were coming the next day. The phone rang, and I figured it was Mom telling me she was coming early - or we were going to chat about her visit. I was wrong. It was my brother, in a panic, telling me that Mom was having a seizure and he didn't know what to do. They had called 911 and were waiting for the ambulance. I heard the whole thing. I could hear the fear in my Mom's voice- "Oh God I don't want to die, please don't let me die!" So I was screaming into the phone- "MOM you are not going to die!!!"- and I began to pray (screaming) for God to take away the seizure, to calm Mom and to give her His Peace.
We I arrived at the hospital, I was told that she had swelling on the brain and they needed to give her meds to bring it down. She had just stopped taking her seizure medicine a couple of weeks before so she could drive. She hadn't had a seizure in almost a year and she got the all clear from her doctor. It turned out to be a blessing, because if she wouldn't have had the seizure, then we never would have known..... I was so scared, and in my heart I knew before the doctors told us- the cancer was back. I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut when I heard the words.
She had just been declared NED (no evidence of disease) four months earlier...it wasn't fair! How did the cancer come back so fast??? God had healed her....how could this happen??? This was another time that I really had to lean on God. It could have been really easy for me to get angry, and lose sight of the fact that God is always in control. At the time it felt like a punishment- but looking back now it all makes sense.
God gave me time with her. He gave us a warning that most people do not get. This was a wake up call that everything was not okay, and even though I didn't know when, I felt I was going to lose her. I wouldn't admit that out loud, and to hear me talk she was going to be just fine. I went back to visiting her as much as I could, and made every visit count. She went to Heaven eight months later.
As crazy as it sounds, I feel fortunate that things happened the way they did. If Mom wouldn't have had the seizure, then we never would have known the cancer had come back. I probably would have went back to the holiday only visits, and would have missed out on some of the most special moments of my life. The simple thing like just sitting there holding her hand, scrapbooking, taking care of her and of course- the mani/pedis. I took every opportunity to love on her and do what she wanted to do.
So I can look at this day as one of the worst days, or I can choose to think about it in the positive light. This was the day that God nudged me, and gave me an opportunity to make my time count with Mom, and for that I am thankful.
Be Blessed!
