When I don't Understand...

When I was at church Saturday night, we sang these lyrics....It spoke to me in such a way it took everything I had to keep from breaking down....

And when I don't understand
I will choose You

And when I don't understand
I will choose to love You, God

We sang these words over, and over....and each time the tears stung my eyes a little more...my heart ached a little deeper.  I guess it hit me in such a way because if I am being honest... there is so much I don't understand...and these lyrics brought me face to face with that fact.  I don't understand why such a wonderful, loving, kind, sweet mother who would give anyone the shirt off her back, had to endure such suffering and pain.  I don't understand why she left this earth at fifty-one, and not sixty-one...or seventy-one!  I don't understand why some people beat cancer, and more people do not.

 Even still....as the lyrics say- I will choose to love my God.  I know that God does not cause these things, and everything works according to his ultimate plan. I know that I am not supposed to understand....just trust Him.  When I cry my eyes out- missing my Mom, I will lean on Him.  When I feel that deep sadness that I wonder will ever leave, I will call out to Him.  I don't know if a day will ever go by that I do not ache for my Mom...she was one of a kind.  I feel like a huge piece of my heart is missing.  We had the best relationship, and I love her so very much.  I am thankful for time I did have with her. I pray that with time the pain will subside, and be replaced with the joy that she is in heaven with my Nanny and Pap-Pap, as well as many others.

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