So today is the day that every month I dread. The 25th... every month like clockwork I am more emotional, irritable, and sad on the days leading up to this day. I try to tell myself that I need to be happy, and that I have so much to be happy for- which I do. But I also have to give myself a break. Grief has no timeline. I can go weeks and feel fine and then all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. That is how grief works...
We are going through the motions after my son's eye surgeries- getting check ups and making sure that everything is on point. I had "one of those days" and I broke down and just said out loud- "I want my MOM!" and just sobbed and sobbed. Luckily a facebook post caused my dear friend to reach out to me because she knew something was wrong. I was thankful for our talk- but she understood that in that moment, I just wanted to hear my Mom say- "you are doing a great job, and its going to be ok!" She always knew just the right thing to say to make me feel better.
I am sure I am not alone in this- and I know that God understands that I am going to have those days. The good thing about it all- is I don't stay that way. I get it out of my system, usually have a good cry, and then I feel better. I pray and believe for God to continue to pour His Peace into my life.
This truly is a journey. I have learned so many things that I feel will change my life forever.
This is my top 10 list of things I have learned....
1. Mom's really are the "glue" that holds the family together.
2. We take advantage of the little things- a text, an average everyday phone call - and don't realize the value until we no longer have it.
3. Enjoy each day- it sounds so cliche- but every day is truly a gift. We are not promised tomorrow.
4. I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
5. Sometimes death brings people closer- and most times it pushes them further away.
6. God allows visits from Heaven through dreams. (my favorite)
7. Friends are God's way of taking care of us :) (not my quote)
8. Wearing my Mom's clothes make me feel closer to her (may be silly but it works for me)
9. It's ok to cry and be sad for as long as I need to - its normal and I am not alone.
10. Talking about my Mom makes me feel better.
I have good days and bad days- even over a year later. On my bad days, you can almost bet that you will see me in my Mom's boots and sweater, t-shirt or carrying her purse. If you are grieving, do what makes you feel better. Find someone who will listen to you talk about your loved one- that is all they have to do - LISTEN. When I talk about my Mom often it is about her LIFE- not her death. At this point in my journey, I talk about my Mom all the time- to anyone and everyone who will listen. I think if nothing else, talking about your loved one is the best therapy you can receive.