So I am sure most everyone is aware of the app TimeHop. Its where every day you can go look at your posts/pictures from the previous years on facebook. I love to go back and look at the pictures of my son and see what I was up to that day.
This one however-- July 21st, will be one of the dates that will be engraved in my memory- probably forever.
I was at home and getting ready for Mom and Shelbi to come visit. We were so excited because Mom was going to rent a car and they were going to come stay a week- they were coming the next day. The phone rang, and I figured it was Mom telling me she was coming early - or we were going to chat about her visit. I was wrong. It was my brother, in a panic, telling me that Mom was having a seizure and he didn't know what to do. They had called 911 and were waiting for the ambulance. I heard the whole thing. I could hear the fear in my Mom's voice- "Oh God I don't want to die, please don't let me die!" So I was screaming into the phone- "MOM you are not going to die!!!"- and I began to pray (screaming) for God to take away the seizure, to calm Mom and to give her His Peace.
We I arrived at the hospital, I was told that she had swelling on the brain and they needed to give her meds to bring it down. She had just stopped taking her seizure medicine a couple of weeks before so she could drive. She hadn't had a seizure in almost a year and she got the all clear from her doctor. It turned out to be a blessing, because if she wouldn't have had the seizure, then we never would have known..... I was so scared, and in my heart I knew before the doctors told us- the cancer was back. I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut when I heard the words.
She had just been declared NED (no evidence of disease) four months earlier...it wasn't fair! How did the cancer come back so fast??? God had healed her....how could this happen??? This was another time that I really had to lean on God. It could have been really easy for me to get angry, and lose sight of the fact that God is always in control. At the time it felt like a punishment- but looking back now it all makes sense.
God gave me time with her. He gave us a warning that most people do not get. This was a wake up call that everything was not okay, and even though I didn't know when, I felt I was going to lose her. I wouldn't admit that out loud, and to hear me talk she was going to be just fine. I went back to visiting her as much as I could, and made every visit count. She went to Heaven eight months later.
As crazy as it sounds, I feel fortunate that things happened the way they did. If Mom wouldn't have had the seizure, then we never would have known the cancer had come back. I probably would have went back to the holiday only visits, and would have missed out on some of the most special moments of my life. The simple thing like just sitting there holding her hand, scrapbooking, taking care of her and of course- the mani/pedis. I took every opportunity to love on her and do what she wanted to do.
So I can look at this day as one of the worst days, or I can choose to think about it in the positive light. This was the day that God nudged me, and gave me an opportunity to make my time count with Mom, and for that I am thankful.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
I didn't realize it has been a month since I have posted!-- It just goes to show you how busy summertime really is. Between weddings and traveling- this summer is flying by! This weekend I was able to spend time with family at the lake. I had a great time and it was nice to get away. I was telling a family member how grateful I was to have a new tradition to replace Mom's tradition for this holiday. One of the toughest things about losing your Mom is having to create new traditions to replace the old ones you realize you probably took for granted.
The Fourth of July was one of Mom's favorite holidays next to Christmas. As often as she could, she would invite family and friends over to grill out and watch fireworks. She loved getting everyone together and was the best hostest- always making sure everyone had their drinks and plates and was buzzing around laughing and joking with everyone. She loved taking pictures and was her happiest when she was surrounded by family and friends. It was also one of the times every year that we went to visit. Believe it or not before she got sick I only saw her two-three times a year.
A few years ago- she bought my son a slip n slide and had it out when we arrived. Since my son didn't know what to do- it was only natural that my Mom show him how its done! Me, Mom and Shelbi spent the whole day on that slip and slide. I am sure it was a pretty funny sight to see a 32 yr old and a 40 something year old running back and forth- belly busting and cracking up the whole time! The next day Mom and I could barely move we were so sore but both agreed it was worth it. :) We videod the whole thing and even though it is hard to watch without tearing up- it makes me laugh so hard. She was so much fun!
I am totally a kid at heart- I am the first one to vote to watch fireworks and I know exactly where I got it from. Mom loved fireworks- and as I was watching them this year I thought to myself- "Mom, you have the best seat in the house- I hope you love it as much as I do" and I snapped some photos.
This one- I was told by my friend Jenney- has an angel in the bottom right corner, and I smiled because I believe she is right :)