Friday, August 8, 2014
Three years ago today, will go down as one of the worst days of my life. It started out great - I was going out of town to train for my new job which I was excited about. I was running around trying to get packed and I was thinking I would wait and call my Mom when I got to the airport. Mom had been having what the Dr. called anxiety attacks on and off due to stress. She wouldn't leave my mind so I decided to give her a quick call just to see how she was doing. We were talking on the phone and I was telling her how I was excited about my trip when she said "oh no- here it goes again"- and next thing I know all I hear is my Mom panicking and something hitting the phone. I told her I would call my Dad and hung up. I called my Dad's work and told them it was an emergency and for him to get home to my Mom ASAP. Then I tried to call my Mom back and she wouldn't/couldn't answer the phone. That is when I had my own panic attack! I freaked out- called my brother and told him to get over to Mom's that something was really wrong. I thought the worst- that she had a heart attack or stroke and died right then and there.
Finally after what seemed like eternity I got in touch with my Mom's neighbor who was with her. The seizure had stopped and my Dad was on his way to drive her to the ER. I was relieved- but then I had to leave to go to catch my flight. How do you go on with your day after something like this happened? Unfortunately I didn't have a choice and so with my Dad promising to call me the second he found out something I left for the airport. Let me just tell you that was the longest 45 minute plane ride ever.
I made it to my hotel room hours later and my phone rang. It was my Mom- she sounded really out of it. She said "are you sitting down?" and I told her " I am now" And then she said the words that no one wants to hear. "I have a tumor on my lung the size of an orange. They are running more tests to see what else is going on". She was so medicated that she said it with no emotion - she might as well told me she was going to the store. At that moment- the world stopped spinning. Time stood still and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. No- not my MOM! This happens to other people, not us! And without her actually saying the words I knew....my Mom had cancer.
From that day forward- nothing was ever the same. My happy world came crashing down and this evil disease called cancer invaded my life and slowly began to take my Mom away from me. She endured 23 rounds of radiation and 6 rounds of chemo because she wouldn't quit! She fought long and hard and we made every moment count. I made some of the best memories with my Mom in those last 18 months. Cancer may have taken her life, but it never took her faith. She made her peace with God and accepted what His plan was for her- that is an amazing thing! Our favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11. She believed it with her whole heart till the day God called her home. "For I KNOW the plans I have for you- says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not harm you- to give you a hope and a future!"
I miss her so much, and on days like today I would give anything for one of her hugs to tell me everything will be alright. She always knew what to say to make me laugh or just feel better...no matter what. She was my best friend and confidant- I could tell her anything. If Mom was here today- she would tell you.... laugh every day, make sure people know how much you love them, and trust in God always. I am doing my best to do just that...for her.