Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Beginning of The End

There are many dates that we will remember throughout our lives. I don't think I will ever forget January 10th. It was the day that my Mom was told that there was nothing else the doctors could do for her cancer- and put her on Hospice. It was the beginning of the end...so to speak. I didn't want to hear what she was saying..."I need you to come and see me so I can give you my jewelry and some other things I want you to have". I was driving- and I screamed "Mom I don't even want to have this conversation!" and told her I had to go. I drove to my office and had a nervous breakdown in front of my co-workers. The next day...my Dad's birthday- I was at her doorstep as she requested.


I had a decision to make that very day. Was I going to accept this and focus all my attention on Mom dying? Or was I going to believe that God could do all things- and that he would heal her? I decided to trust God. I am not going to say that every day I was happy and full of faith, but I did believe for God's will to be done. I focused my attention on making every moment count with my family. I spent more time with her- and made every effort to make it known how much I loved her- and how special she was to me. She was full of faith and never gave up hope. She would tell me "I have made my peace. I am ok with whatever happens. That doesn't mean I am not going to fight it with everything I have, but if its' my time....its my time." I would look in her eyes and tell her- "we are NOT giving up", and she would smile that smile.


About two weeks before she passed, I had a dream. She was in the dream, and was healthy and whole, not bedridden, weak and in pain. She was smiling, laughing, and having a good time. I loved seeing her that way- and I woke up with a renewed hope. God was really going to heal her! I didn't know how- but I felt like God was showing me that she would be like that again. Little did I know that two weeks later she would leave this earth forever.


I didn't understand....how could this happen? My Mom was supposed to see my son grow up, graduate high school, and maybe even see him get married. She was supposed to be there for the birthday parties, sports events, holidays, and milestones. And then, one day- it was told to me (if I could remember I would give them credit) that God DID heal her. That is when I thought back to that dream, and realized....God was showing me her heavenly body in that dream. He was showing me how healthy, whole, pain free, beautiful, and free she would be when he called her home. The laughter, smile, and good time she was having- that was her new life with her family in Heaven. It made me smile, and I was so thankful to God to get that glimpse of my angel- in her new body.


This passage- was shared with me and I have been told has been read at many funeral services. It is comforting to know that when we are saying see you later....her family is saying we are so glad you are finally home.



"Parable of Immortality" by Henry van Dyke


I am standing by the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There she goes!" Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There she goes!", there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"



Be Blessed!

1 comment:

  1. It's hard to lose someone, but you are doing a remarkable job of walking through this with grace. I'm so proud to be able to watch and be there whenever you might need me, for whatever reason. Love you.

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