Wednesday, September 10, 2014
My Mother's Eyes
I was changing my desktop background at work with this photo- and something caught my attention-
my Mother's eyes. I never noticed it before but if you look closely you can see around her eyes are red from crying- but they are happy tears. This picture was taken the day we had a early surprise birthday party for her. I made her favorite "pineapple upside down cake" and when she was outside playing with her grandson we managed to decorate and get everything ready without her knowing. She walked in and was shocked as we began to sing happy birthday. She told me many times this was one of her favorite days. She told me how much it meant to her for to go through all that trouble just for her. This was in 2010 which was one year before she was diagnosed with lung cancer.
It got me to thinking about her eyes and how people used to tell me they could tell who my mother was by my eyes. I always took that as a compliment. I see more of her features every day when I look in the mirror- something I am very proud of. I always thought my Mom was a natural beauty, not many people can go around without make-up and look amazing- I know I can't! My eyes are my favorite feature (not being conceited) and I have her to thank for that.
When I think of my Mother's eyes, she looked through her eyes of faith. She inspired me so much because she never quit and never gave up. She always believed in God's plan, even though it may not have been the plan she had in mind. She had eyes of determination, with every treatment- with every doctor visit- she was determined that she was going to fight until she had no fight left. She had eyes of love...when I came to visit, the way she would look so excited and run to the door to give me a big hug - I miss those days. She had eyes of compassion- anyone who knew her could attest to that. She was the first one ready to help anyone in need whether she knew them or not. Whether someone had a death in the family, a fire, or an illness, she would rummage through her closets for items to donate or cook up a big meal to take over.
I miss my Mother's eyes. I miss how she would look at me when I tried on something she bought for me. She would always say "that's so cute!" and then she would say "You are probably too old for "cute" but you will always be my baby girl." I miss how she would smile and tear up when she was proud of me. I even miss her "look" when I knew I was in trouble (mostly when I was younger, she could stop me in my tracks with one look). I miss how when she laughed her eyes smiled too. I have heard a saying "The eyes are the window to the soul" and I believe that is so true. Mom has a beautiful soul.
As a travel down this road I am finding ways to cope with my Mom's death. What has helped me most is remembering. Remembering her eyes, her voice, her smile and her hugs. I lean on God during the tough days and remember the good times. I pray that the Lord will give me the courage and the wisdom to honor her memory and help others. I hope people can see that I also have the compassion, love, determination and faith like my Mother does.